When things don’t go like you want it to. When sunrises or sunsets are all just bleak and the same. When you feel unproductive, lost and lay on bed all day, trying to count the number of blades on a top speed fan that hangs high on the ceiling, you know, You are burnt out!
These are the days I try to cheep myself up, push my back and try my best surviving. Acting as if everything is super-fine is not a great deal to me at least. Because I’ve been through this phase once in a while, draining and drowning myself in tears only to feel a little more exhausted and broke. So, I decided to put on my cheery mask and go all hippie and happy.
But I know. This ain’t me. I’m trying hard, but this isn’t the real me. With melancholy stuck throughout my gut, I could already feel my throat clog up with words. I could barely drink any water or swallow a drop. But I still smile. Because, I know. To understand what’s in my head or to be where I am, one has to walk through the paths I’ve taken. I’m not blaming any human or asking for empathy. It’s all a little guilty pleasure I get, when I imagine having someone who can understand that this extra-cheerful version of me is scarred and rotting deep down. That I need a hug that can help me pick up and stick together the pieces of me that are crashing down at an unimaginable pace. That, even the most beautiful pair of eyes are capable of brimming with tears.
Isn’t it nice when all you have to do is sit, while someone else would sway your swing and let you gasp the fresh air when you’ve been all suffocating? I’m someone who believes that, “It’s the princess who kills the dragon and saves the prince.” But lately, I do feel that the pity little princess holds a lot of dragons within her, that needs to be tamed and tended. And who else can do it for her, if not her prince?
madihasamu 